News Post

The following submission was requested by the Alabama State Bar’s Quality of Life, Health, and Wellness Committee and is intended to assist lawyers in improving the quality of legal services and improving the educational and ethical standing of the bar §34-3-43(a)(7)). Views and conclusions expressed in submitted articles are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the employees of the Alabama State Bar, officers of the Alabama State Bar, or members of the Board of Bar Commissioners.

By: Anna M. Carroll

Full Disclosure: I have been seeing a therapist since July of 2023. In everyday conversations, I find myself saying things like: “That 80-page Order triggered me” or “Your boss is totally gaslighting you” or “I need to take a self-care day.” If these phrases get on your nerves, you are not alone. There are a lot of therapy buzzwords and phrases that are not only overused but are frequently improperly used. One such buzzword is “boundaries.” While I think the term itself may be overused, I believe most attorneys are profoundly unaware of what healthy boundaries are and how maintaining those boundaries can be beneficial not only for you, but for everyone you interact with on a regular basis.

Let me give you an example. In the not-too-distant past, I was experiencing record high levels of stress at work due to an increased case load. I noticed my temper was short. I was cranky and probably a little bit rude to my coworkers at times. I usually loved being with my young nephews, but I found myself getting annoyed a lot quicker. I would go home each evening and feel too tired to cook dinner or to take my dog for a walk. I would just sit and watch tv until it was time to go to bed. Then I would wake up the next day and do the same thing.

Being one of the younger partners at my firm, I am frequently asked to sit on various committees and to help with the implementation of various tech upgrades. During this stressful time, I was asked if I could work on one of these projects. I said yes. I continued working my case load while contributing to the new tech project, which meant even more stress, even longer days, and an even shorter fuse. I was dangerously close to burning out.

I finally went to speak with my boss. He sat me down and said, “What do you have on your plate?” We went over my case list to see if we could shift some things around. And then I brought up the new tech project. He said, “Why did you say yes to that?” To be honest, I didn’t even think about the possibility of saying no. Saying “No” is not something we were taught to do in law school or in clerkships or as young associates. I remember being told to say “Yes!” enthusiastically, to everyone, because that was the only way to get ahead.

I left my boss’s office that day and asked the head of the tech project if they could find someone else to take my place. Guess what? They said, “Of course. No problem.” That’s all it took.

Now I’m not going to pretend that saying “No” to one thing made my life change overnight. But learning how to say “No” has made the biggest, most positive difference in my adult life. Saying “No” has allowed me to be fully present in the things I say “Yes” to.

Most of us must work to pay the bills. It’s not something we can say “No” to, even if we daydream about living in a chalet in the French Alps and playing spades with our closest friends all day every day. But even though we must work, we all have some control over the amount of time we work and the amount of energy we give to work. Practice saying “No,” and see where it takes you.